Republicans, fearing the worst, are bracing for an army of 1 million new, blue babies to be born sometime in July. This comes after Gallup-poll findings that 10 million Americans had unprotected sex on election night.
"We are fearing the worst," said the Reverend Jay Scott Newman of Greenville, South Carolina. "Communion was not offered to parishioners who voted for Obama without first going to confessional to confess their sins."
Census workers found that of the 65 million Americans who voted for Obama about half were married. 10 million of those had unprotected sex on election night.
Many reasons were given as to why married partners had unprotected versus protected sex on election night including increased feeling of intimacy with their partners, a "what the heck, let's take a chance," attitude and outright, promulgated drunkenness.
Broken down by household, it didn't seem to matter whether unprotected sex participants were Caucasian, African American, American Indian, Jewish, Hispanic and Asian. All ethnicities were able to enjoy and participate in unprotected sex equally.
One interesting finding, however, came from households where the vote was spit between husbands and wives. Of those marriages census workers found that most partners, even those who voted for the losing candidate, also participated in celebratory sex.
Findings demonstrated that most women in these split-vote marriages voted democratic. The men were simply viewed as good sports to participate in celebratory sex with their spouses.
Researchers predict that babies born from these, spit-vote marriages will have a purplish hue to them and may show a little confusion upon birth.