NEWARK - In a suprise move today, aspartame, a drug added to food to make people fat, dumb, and hungry, has been approved for chemotherapy.
"Actually, like other things that cause cancer, such as radiation, aspartame can be used to treat cancer too. We had industry fund studies to prove this, ignoring any cases where the people died after taking the aspartame chemotherapy", revealed Dr. Strangedeath, FDA spokesperson.
"As recent headlines have revealed, we have hidden key facts from the public for years. We feel here at the FDA that it is time to give back.", he giggled nervously.
In unrelated news today, hundreds of patients are being transfered from cancer wards to psyc wards.