Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Wednesday, 26 November 2008

image for Ellen, Rosie, & Melissa Are Buying The State of Montana
Ellen DeGeneres (left) and Melissa Etheridge checking out Montana (photo courtesy of Rosie O'Donnell)

HOLLYWOOD, California - Talk show host Ellen DeGeneres is still reeling from the fact that Proposition 8, banning gay marriages in California won.

But DeGeneres has talked to her attorney Rigatoni 'Tony' Carducci, and it looks like she may have an ace up her sleeve.

Ellen and two of her closest friends and business partners, Melissa Etheridge and Rosie O'Donnell are planing on having their company, 'Tri-Guys Unlimited' purchase the entire state of Montana.

'Tri-Guys Unlimited' has already purchased JetBlue and renamed it JetLavender and now they will buy the state of Montana and turn it into a safe haven for gays and lesbians.

Rock and roll singer Melissa Etheridge said that her first choice was California, but that it was just a little bit out of their price range.

She told Barbara Walters, "In order for our company to have bought California it meant that I would have had to mortgage my four houses, I would have had to sell my vintage guitar collection (18 guitars), and I would have had to sell my state-of-the-art touring bus, 'Melissa's LesBus.'

Ellen would have had to sell her three dance studios, her extensive designer bra collection, her champion thoroughbred race horse 'You Go Girl,' and her used Polaris submarine that she bought from the United States navy last year.

And Rosie would have had to sell her fabulous cruise ship, the 'SS Lipstick Queen of The Sea,' as well as all of her 723 national hot dog franchise chain restaurants, 'The Hey I Got Your Weiner Right Here Hot Dog Shop'"

Etheridge added, "Rosie originally wanted for 'Tri-Guys Unlimited' to purchase the state of New York, but we all passed on the idea as soon as we learned that the street cleaning bill alone would have been close to $2 million a month."

O'Donnell stated that if all goes as planned, 'Tri-Guys Unlimited' will purchase Montana and hopefully couples can start moving in just in time for The Valentine's Day Dance-a-thon and Brownie Baking Bash.

DeGeneres said that for now the state capital will remain in Helena, but they eventually plan on moving it to Queen's Point in honor of the three wives, Portia, Kelli, and Tammy.

In related news, Paris Hilton was told that Lindsay Lohan has a secret crush on her. Paris replied, "Wow, I think that is so hot...but wait a minute neither one of us wants to be the guy, so that would never work...I think. Well, I'm not sure. I'll have to sit down with a pen and a piece of paper and try to figure it out."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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