Washington, DC/ AP - In a massive sting operation orchestrated by the lame duck Bush administration, 5M illegal aliens were arrested when they attended what they thought was another Democrat giveaway!
In a scheme thought up by the Justice Department, Home Land Security and ICE,law enforcement put together one more attempt to put a lid on the millions of illegal aliens that have been given a free pass in the US due to lax, liberal, secular progressive attitudes reflected in the Democratic controlled congress and put into practice by like minded mayors and governors.
In a mass mailing by the bankrupt US Postal Service, flyers were addressed "To Whom it May Concern" and left at inner city emergency rooms, welfare offices, aid to dependent children day care centers, and at Taco Bells around the country.
The flyers continued the Democrat's promise of NINJA mortgages, free gas cards, and a stimulus package including $1500 in cash and a $5,000 debit card backed by the Federal Government.
To facilitate the real inauguration, the date was set for Jan 15, 5 days before the real $20M ceremony was set to kick off for the coronation of Barack Hussein Obama I. Based on exit polls it was determined that the average Obama voter didn't know who Joe Biden was, and certainly wouldn't know when the real inauguration date really was.
In anticipation of the detainment plan, Home Land Security awarded a massive contract to a coalition of Massachusetts fence suppliers to provide 18 miles of chain link/razor wire product, and the installation of same. Under the guise of Presidential Security, the fence was installed, with the entrance constructed to funnel all the participants down Pennsylvania ave.
Once the duped attendees were in place, massive gates would be closed, effectively trapping the illegals and the processing would begin.
Enlisting the National Guard, Active Army Reservists, and 1000 bent Tijuana Cops recently purged in Mexico to act as translators, officials were able to provide a law enforcement presence of over 25,000 armed guards to control and process the detainees.
The scam worked to perfection, and initial debriefings provided a few surprises among the illegals.
*3 Somali Pirates employed under the table by Mass. Sen. John "Swiftie" Kerry to patrol the Charles River looking for more Taxable tribute for the bankrupt state.
* 4 ex lovers of Rep. Barney "Fannie" Frank from the Balkans that had overstayed their "work" visas.
*16 Indian Money Changers employed by the Clinton Presidential Library
*22 former female interns sent as gifts from the EU for President Clinton that failed to return home after his 2 terms expired. All were receiving housing and other benefits for their children under the unwed mothers provision of the US.
*An additional 39 Kenyan relatives of President Elect Obama living in Boston, Chicago, Detroit and San Francisco courtesy of American Taxpayers.
*2 Nigerian accountants employed by Rep. Charles Wrangle(sic), and the Rev. Al Sharpton to fudge their tax returns.
Investigations continued, and law enforcement said there will be more announcements on their findings soon.
At the current time detainees are being held 4 to a car in 1.5M government owned Chrysler Pacificas claimed from dealer lots after the car company failed and their assets were seized.
President Bush was reported to be extremely happy with the initial results of the roundup. Reporters asked him about the ultimate disposition of the detainees and he did not hesitate in giving his opinion. "Hey,Man, it's not my F*****g problem anymore!"
An Obama spokesman, speaking on condition of anonymity, said the President Elect was conferring with the ACLU, ACORN Staff, and House Banking Chairman Frank to come up with a solution. The initial consensus is that the detainees will all be given a free gas card and set free to travel back to their Sanctuary Cities, and are not expected to be seen again until Congressional elections in 2010.