Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Monday, 24 November 2008

image for North Dakota and South Dakota To Merge Into One State
The legs of 'Entertainment Tonight's' Mary Hart, who is a native of South Dakota

BISMARCK, North Dakota - The downward-spiraling economy has truly had an adverse affect on everyone and everything.

CNN is reporting that due to the nation's economic woes the states of North Dakota and South Dakota have decided to merge into one state.

South Dakota Governor Mike Rounds and North Dakota Governor Joel Hoeven said that they have put their heads together and have reached a decision to combine their two wonderful states into one extra wonderful state.

Regarding the new state name, the two governors have narrowed it down to three names. And they have agreed to let the people of both states vote in a special "Help Us Name Our New State" election.

The three names which Governor Rounds and Governor Hoeven have chosen are Velcro, Sacajawea, and New Iceland.

The special election will cost about $12,000. But all of the money will come strictly from the sale of Mount Rushmore snow globes which can be purchased at the food courts located at the following malls:

  • The Sitting Bull Mall in Belle Fourche, South Dakota.
  • The Lawrence Welk Bubble Machine Mall in Fargo, North Dakota.
  • The Mary Hart & Cheryl Ladd Lovely Legs Mall in Box Elder, South Dakota.
  • The Grand Forks Forks, Knives, and Spoons Mall in Grand Forks, North Dakota.


Governor Rounds stated, "Another issue that both Governor Hoeven and myself will be addressing is which one of us will be the governor of the new state.

Well, in the interest of time, Joel and I have decided to make this a very simple process. What we will do is simply flip a coin...heads, I'm the governor, tails, he's the governor. That way there's no whining, no belly-aching, and no calls for a recount.

The loser will become the lieutenant governor. And of course, that will mean that the two present lieutenant governors (his and mine) will both be laid off. But we have already arranged for them to each receive unemployment benefits."

To help in the transition process, the two governors formed 'The States of Dakota Decision Committee' which is responsible for naming the new state symbols. The committee is comprised of Governors Rounds and Hoeven as well as three well-known Dakota natives, Anglie 'Legs' Dickinson, Cheryl 'Legs' Ladd, and Mary 'Legs' Hart.

The New State Symbols:

  • State Bird: The St. Louis Cardinal.
  • State Fish: The Fish Stick.
  • State Drink: Diet Water.
  • State Insect: The Flicker Flea.
  • State Motto: Michelle, ma belle, sont des mots qui vont tres bien ensemble (Michelle, my lovely, these are words that go together well).
  • State Coin: The Buffalo Nickel
  • State Food: (1) Buffalo Wings (2) Buffaloburgers (3) Buffalo Burritos.
  • State Slogan: "Everybody, run like hell, it's a damn buffalo stampede!"
  • State Sport: Buffalo neutering.
  • State Song: "For What It's Worth" by Buffalo Springfield.


In related news. In the interest of being politically correct, the U.S. senate has just passed a bill changing the name of The Black Hills to The African-American Hills.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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