Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Topics: Music

Thursday, 27 November 2008

image for The 2009 Crosby, Stills, Nash, & Young Tour
The 1971 Crosby, Stills, Nash, & Young Album: 4 Way Street

LOS ANGELES, California - The year 2009, will mark the 40th anniversary of the Woodstock Music Festival performance of Crosby, Stills, Nash, & Young.

David, Stephen, Graham, and Neil have been signed by Left Coast Tours Unlimited to a reunion tour billed as 'The 2009 Crosby, Stills, Nash, & Young 'Life's A Beach Tour.'"

Stephen Stills, 63, remarked, "We will be performing most of our 60's and 70's hits. But with a slight bit of a twist. We have taken the liberty of re-arranging and even renaming some of our more noted hits by giving them a 2008ish flavor. We're also adding an average of about 30 notes per song.

One thing that I find truly amazing is that our 'groupies' are now entering into their 60's. And let me say that two or three of them are to use Paris Hilton's word, 'hot.' Wow. It seems like only yesterday, I was a member of Buffalo Springfield."

David Crosby, 67, added, "It has really been quite challenging for me just trying to remember all of the notes, the chords, and the lyrics. Hell, it's really been kind of nice not having to pee in my guitar case anymore. Goodness, it seems like only yesterday I was a member of the Byrds."

Graham Nash, 66, stated, "Being British I'm afraid I will have to spend a few weeks trying to get rid of my accent like I did back in the 60's. And I am glad to say that I have long ago gotten over my guitar string phobia, my fear of okra, and my fear of David Crosby. Man oh man, it seems like only yesterday, I was a member of the Hollies."

And Neil Young, 63, chimed in, "I can see Russia from my home in Canada."

These are the songs that Crosby, Stills, Nash, & Young will be performing on their upcoming tour. Shown are the orignal song title and the new revised song title:

  1. I Almost Cut My Hair - I Almost Cut My Soul Patch
  2. Suite: Judy Blue Eyes - Suite: Judy White Cellulite
  3. Our House - Our Crack House
  4. Southern Man - Southern Bro
  5. Deja Vu - Deja Vu Once Again
  6. Helplessly Hoping - Hopelessly Helping
  7. Woodstock - Woodstuck
  8. Cowgirl In The Sand - Cowgirl In The Dune Buggy
  9. Ohio - Illinois
  10. Wooden Ships - Wooden Jet Ski's

The 2009 Crosby, Stills, Nash, & Young's United States 'Life's A Beach Tour' will cover 10 US cities (Nine in California and one in Florida):

  1. Malibu Beach - (The Bottled Water Stadium)
  2. Santa Monica Beach - (The Frozen Margarita Arena)
  3. Hermosa Beach - (The Three Stooges Speedway)
  4. Redondo Beach - (The TacoDome)
  5. Long Beach - (The Nursing Bra Coliseum)
  6. Seal Beach - (The Barbie Doll Greyhound Race Track)
  7. Huntington Beach - (The 3.7 Center)
  8. Newport Beach - (The Mrs. Kobe Bryant Pavilion)
  9. Laguna Beach - (The Etch-A-Sketch Stadium)
  10. Miami Beach - (Fast Food Field)

The tour is being sponsored in part by AARP, Metamucil, Prilosec, Larry King, and Pepto Bismol.

In other news, The Anchorage Afternoon Times Tribune is reporting that Sarah Palin is one of only three women in the entire United States who actually go out and shoot their own Thanksgiving turkey.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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