Yesterday, Barack "Alleluia" Obama, accompanied by Led Zeppelin, burst into Hooters, New York, and declared Bible law, just after ordering a Hooters Cobb Salad.
"I am sick and tired of aging rockers and Democrats over tipping topless waitresses and then bitching to me about inflation," said Obama, who went on to say "So I'm bringing in Bible law - only from the Old Testament, so I don't upset my Jewish base"
Obama, soon after declaring Old Testament law, stood up and wrapped his arm around a jubilant Jimmy Page's shoulder; simultaneously they shouted "No more Gay Cowboys."
Scientists from over the globe joined forces to condemn this decision. Dr Annie-Mall Slawter, Head Scientist at SPECTRE, released the following short statement:
God doesn't exist. He's just a fiction of Jesus' imagination.
However, many law enforcement officers have agreed with Obama's drastic measures, claiming that it will now be much easier to throw the book at suspects.
Bank of America's chief economist, Miss Rich Bitch, predicts an unpredictable economic outlook. "Well, what you have to take into account is the changing dynamics of the economy. The Church will gain greater revenue from the collection plate and clothes donations. But the Church is notorious tight spenders, so that is less cash and clothes floating around the economy. On the other hand, the porn industry will be totally destroyed, freeing up money for guys that live in their mum's basement to move out."