Written by Chuck Terzella
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Topics: Death, Conservative

Tuesday, 8 June 2004

In celebration of the death of Ronald Reagan, many Conservative groups have begun advocating to have the "Grandfather of the Neo-Con Movements" likeness adorn some form of American currency. The push to have the dead actors face replace that of President Franklin Delano Roosevelt's on the dime actually began earlier in the year as Neo-Con's apparently figured that Reagan was as good as dead already, but did not garner sufficient support at the time.

Unnamed White House Source Wegman (Pudgy) Waterhouse, speaking on the condition of anonymity said, " Of course Ronnie should have his face on some currency, but I don't think a dime is appropriate. It's too small. Don't get me wrong, it's not that I think Roosevelt was any great shakes; what did he do anyway? Get us out of the Great Depression? That's nothing. Lead us to victory in World War II? Small change. Start Social Security? We're still pissed about that. In other words Roosevelt did squat."

Waterhouse continued, "Now look at Ronnie's record. He beat the pants off Grenada single-handedly. He gave us the Stock Market Crash of 1987. He gave us the highest gas prices this country has ever seen. He tripled our National Debt. He broke the Air Traffic Controllers Union. He didn't catch our first major terrorist attack in Beirut, Lebanon. But he had a great smile and boy, could he wear a suit. That beats that fucking cripple Roosevelt's record any day."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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