Written by The Pharoe
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Tuesday, 8 June 2004

image for Local Girl Reports She Wants to "Punch" Avril Lavigne
Cotie Shintani may build a website specially designed to virtually slap Lavigne

Topeka, Kansas - Local area resident, Cotie Shintani, 13, wants to "punch" popular Canadian songstress Avril Lavigne. On Monday evening, while typing to an undisclosed friend through the popular AOL Instant Messenger, Shintani expressed that "sometimes I want to punch [Avril's] sneering snot inside out". The friend, unsure of the reason of Shintani's violent comments, replied "Lol", which stands for "Laugh Out Loud", a common way online to express amusement.

When Shintani was reached in middle high school early Tuesday she elaborated on her comments saying "she gives posers a bad rep because posers pretend to be hardcore something, and she doesn't state what she's hardcore in". Shintani, although she expressed was a fan of Lavigne's music, does not enjoy Lavigne's lifestyle. "Besides, she doesn't talk shit about anyone we really care about" Shintani added "she'd be more likeable if she were more angry".

When Jack Marion, Lavigne's publicist, was reached for comment he made light of the situation stating "If we went after every person that wanted to punch Avril we'd be up to our ears on lawsuits. After all, she's Canadian, most people want to punch her just for that reason". Shintani has no current plan as to how to carry out her violent attack on Avril. "Maybe I'll make a virtual website where people can virtually slap her…that will show her" Shintani said.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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