Washington DC: US House Speaker Nancy Pelosi has met with representatives (not lobbyists) of America's largest deodorant manufacturers. "A stinking world crisis is looming, which we need $5 Billion to alleviate" said the meeting participants as they exited the conference room.
Alleged global warming temperature increases combined with a 21st century population explosion has caused the planet to develop a redolence not seen before in history, even during the Middle Ages when the mass's of people did not bathe and chastity belts were in vogue. Illegal immigration plays only a minor role, as the Law of Conservation of Pew is applicable; the pungency is only moved to a different location with no net gain or loss of efflux.
While the Multiculturalists would have you believe all societies are equal, some people and places do stink more than others. This statement is predicated on various worldly observations such as this place is the "arm pit (or other body part) of the world" or we live "down under."
Since body odor (BO) was invented by Madison Avenue to sell soap, BO scientists have brought products to market that are designed to reduce pungency, snuff out stench and turn an obnoxiously large profit. A new breed of scientists, called Body Odor Operational Bailout Specialists (BOOBS), will use the US taxpayer money to perform "stinking research" to develop cutting edge essence extinguishers that leave the consumer smelling like a bouquet of fresh fleeced daisies.
Additionally, in order to control spurious noxious emanations, not neutralized by "essence extinguishers," a Federal Tang Tax will be imposed on all aroma producing products. This tax exempts perfume essence and coffee roasters, but includes onions, garlic, cow farmers owning gas producing cows and human gas passing. Tang Tax credits may be bought sold or traded, e.g. sewer plant operators, when industrial strength "essence extinguishers" fail to eliminate the effluvium musk.