Written by Frank Cotolo
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Topics: New York, Peace

Tuesday, 8 June 2004

image for N.Y. mayor seeks to silence the city
Can the famous skyline be silenced?

NEW YORK CITY -- In an ambitious effort to bring peace to New Yorkers, Mayor Michael R. Bloomberg is going to outlaw noise in the borough of Manhattan.

A recent study that showed people who lived, worked in or visited Manhattan lost portions of their hearing is what prompted the mayor to make the bold move.

Reporters asked the mayor if he was tortured by jackhammers, pounding music and the incessant jingles of ice cream trucks. Bloomberg said, "What?"

"The change would make it easier for the city's police force and create noise inspector jobs," said Lee Ocktinshpeel, a city representative who says he will be deaf in a year. "We must take action against noises that have long bedevilled New Yorkers."

The mayor said if people want to make noise, they can still go to The Bronx, Queens, Brooklyn and especially Staten Island, which "has always been way too quiet."

Construction projects would have the most trouble, but the mayor says they can figure a way to get along.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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