Washington (AP) Osama Bin Laden is going to try to attend Ronald Reagan's funeral this week. The CIA reports a high level of chatter on several Middle East channels that indicate the terrorist leader will alter his appearance in order to show up with many of the world leaders. The FBI has posted its special agents at all convenience stores that sell disposable razors. A bureau artist has drawn an image of what Osama might look like once he gets his hands on a razor. Posters have been hung in all barber shops.
Rumors have been circulating around Washington that at least a half dozen other terrorists will attend the funeral---and actually try to shake President Bush's hand in the receiving line. The Spoof has assigned a photographer to try and capture the event on film. The President has been closely studying the pictures of terrorists to try and avoid an embarrassing picture.