Written by Sparky Fletcher
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Wednesday, 12 November 2008

image for Republican Voters Denounce 'Black Friday' After Obama Win
Artist conception of a Democrat taking advantage of a "Black Friday" deal.

WASHINGTON, D.C. (Friggemall Wire Services) -- Thousands of the nation's Republican voters have announced that they will not support "Black Friday" in a bold show of partisan consumerism following Barack Obama's landslide victory over John McCain.

Black Friday, the term given to the Friday following Thanksgiving when turkey-gorged Americans roll their fat asses out of warm beds and speed to retailers hoping to score door-busting deals, is typically considered the biggest shopping day of the year. But Rick Mintonye, a 38-year-old divorced banker in Kansas City, Missouri, has other plans.

"I'll be sleeping in, and I refuse to spend one dollar on Friday, November 28," he said. "It's enough that our country elected this asshole to office. But not even a month later, and he's already pulling some backhanded stimulus shit to try to give our economy a jolt well before he's even in the White House? Give me a fucking break."

Others agree with Mintonye. Gena Parker, a 54-year old caterer from Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania, said that she will shop on the 29th, a day many Republicans are rallying to become known as "White Saturday."

"Obama isn't even the President yet, and already we have this thing called 'Black Friday.' It's an outrage. Before you know it, it'll be 'black this' and 'black that.' Well, we McCain backers aren't giving up yet. We can give as good as we get, my friends."

Parker added that a recent trip to Atlantic City with her husband, Frank, showed the first signs that Obama is trying to implement economic changes well before he takes oath. "I was sitting at my favorite slot, a Red White & Blue that has been really hot lately, and suddenly I hear whoops and yells from nearby. It was coming from a table of 'Blackjack,' where people were already throwing money into some sort of card-based stimulus program. Unbelievable."

Analysts don't yet know just how much the already-battered economy will suffer at the loss of revenue on Black Friday, but most agree it will be nothing compared to the dollars that will be lost next February, when thousands of McCain backers plan to flee to Canada next February in protest of what they say is a month-long celebration of Obama's inauguration, also known as Black History Month.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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