Written by Bureau
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Topics: Death, boring, Bored

Wednesday, 12 November 2008

image for Three Bored To Death In Atapalgus, Georgia
I'm sure it said that an hour ago.

Junie Deloris Morris of Atapalgus, Georgia, who has her family scrapbook prominently displayed on her coffee table at all times, gives the impression that her life is not only bearable, but has even been pleasant at times, sources not particularly close to the 65-year-old homemaker said Monday.

"Three different people have been bored to death over there. They were found just sitting there on the couch after having been so bored they forgot to breathe."

"I've only been over there a coupla times over the past 35 years", stated next-door neighbor Bennie Lou Badcock. "The last time we went through that horrible scrapbook...again..thank goodness I kept telling myself to breathe...of course there were thirteen years between visits so some of it was new to me. So I tried to concentrate on those."

"Anyways, she'll point out every stupid member of the family from back in the old "River Days" until the present. She's never been married, so it's mostly ancesters and nephews and nieces and cousins and at least 200 babies. Then, near the end, she comes up with the coup d'etat."

"She'll suddenly snap the book closed and whisper, "Here's one of me naked as a jailbird"-I think she means "Jaybird"-and she'll open to a full page of the ugliest naked 1-year-old you ever seen in your life. Course, she never was what you'd call a looker. More like a corker or perhaps, dancer around the organ grinder. Guess that's why she never married."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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