Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Saturday, 15 November 2008

image for DeGeneres, O'Donnell, and Etheridge Buy JetBlue; rebrand as JetLavender
A freshly-painted JetLavender plane (the paint sprays on green, but dries lavender)

NEW HAVEN, Connecticut - A Connecticut judge has ruled that gay couples can now legally marry in the 'Nutmeg' state.

The ruling is a victory for gay marriage advocates who were disappointed by the California referendum that banned same-sex unions in the Left Coast State.

CBS News reports that Ellen DeGeneres, Rosie O'Donnell, and Melissa Etheridge have purchased JetBlue. The three earlier this year formed a business corporation known as 'Tri-Guys Unlimited.'

A spokesperson for TGU stated that the three partners (and their partners) will be changing the name from JetBlue to JetLavender. JetLavender will have 24 daily flights out of California to New Haven, Connecticut. Twelve flights from San Francisco and twelve flights from Los Angeles.

Rosie O'Donnell told CBS's Katie Couric that this little 'airplane gesture' is just their way of helping out those in the 'sidesaddle community.' Rosie added, "the bottom line is that it's just one way in which we can give back to those who have given to us...no pun intended."

Meanwhile, the Left Coast publication, 'Gender Bender Illustrated Revue' has announced that it has named Ellen, Rosie, and Melissa as the top three most influential individuals since Moe, Larry, and Curly.

When asked to comment, Rosie smiled and replied, "Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk."

JetLavender will have lots of amenities such as free drinks including Margaritas, Frozen Daiquiris, Pina Coladas, Shirley Temples, and Mint Juleps.

The airline will also provide free complimentary lavender polypropylene drinking straws, lavender decorative coctail umbrellas, and lavender keepsake cocktail swizzle sticks. They are also advertising free unlimited refills on lavender-colored maraschino cherries.

JetLavender will also give each passenger a free iPod with a playlist that features every song that Melissa Etheridge has ever recorded, including her latest release, a cover version of Katy Perry's hit song, 'I Kissed A Girl.'

In other news, VH-1 is reporting that RuPaul called up Barack Obama and told him that she would accept the Secretary of Interior Decorating position if it is offered.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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