Written by Chuck Terzella
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Monday, 7 June 2004

President George W. Bush has declared Friday, June 11 as a National Day of Morning in honor of Dead President Ronald Reagan. It is unknown at this point exactly how a day that is only morning will work, as this has never been tried before, but most restaurants are gearing up to change their menu's for the day to serve only breakfast and Howard Stern and Don Imus will be broadcasting throughout the day.

Unnamed White House Source Wegman (Pudgy) Waterhouse, speaking on the condition of anonymity said, " This is really gonna mess with my head. I'm not a morning person at the best of times; I don't come alive till the crack of noon. I can't even stand thinking about a day that has no afternoon or evening, but it's all for the Gipper so I'll put up with it. I mean, anyone who could tell a Senate Subcommittee that he just couldn't recall authorizing the sales of arms for hostages and keep a straight face has my vote."

Many party goers however are livid at the thought of losing a prime Friday night. Waterhouse's daughter, Wendy (Pooky) Waterhouse speaking on the condition that she didn't care who heard her said, " This is sooo unfair! I only have like, two months off from classes and I swore every weekend was gonna count. Now, this old guy dies and I'm screwed for a Friday night. This sucks! Plus I've gotta hang around in my jammies all day watching Sesame Street."

It is also unclear whether God will comply with the President's order by keeping the sun in the East all day, especially since God was never a real fan of either Bush or Reagan or, as He has been quoted as saying, " any religious conservative whacko who thinks intolerance and war is the way to achieve peace."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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