Cana CT-- And in the days before His Ascension, the Chosen One was a guest at a gay wedding in Cana. And it was here that The One performed His second miracle!
The One and The Blessed Spouse attended the nuptials of Adam and Steve. And there was much merry-making and butt-slapping and rump-riding and The One was pleased. The Blessed Spouse whispered to The One that the party was running low on wine and weed.
So The One ordered the slaves to bring him all the bottles of Perrier water and all the tobacco before Him, and it was done.
And then The One then closed His eyes and said magickal words He learned on 'Oprah' and the Second Miracle occurred.
And the Perrier water became Don Perignon champagne from 1998. And the tobacco became sticky buds of Martian Devil Killer weed.
And there was even more mirth-making and butt-riding and The One went on the Down Low and it was good. And Adam and Steve were blessed with a used condom from The One and they both wept many tears.
And the Blessed Spouse was even more pissed off then usual because she was the only one at the gay wedding not getting any.