The Reverend Louis Farrakhan, head of the Nation of Islam, a U.S. based Moslem movement, cheered the election of Barack Obama as President of the United States.
"We done got ourselves a brotha in da White House," said an excited Farrakhan. "That home of cracker oppression about to get a paint job and a new name!"
The religious leader said in a statement from California that he was so happy that "I thought I died and gone to heaven, but I couldn't find no 72 virgins out here in Los Angeles."
Farrakhan said that he was scheduled to hold a private meeting with Obama on Friday, where he would ask for the following concessions to the Black Moslem movement that helped to get the Chicago Senator elected:
- Air Force One would be painted purple and "get itself all pimped out."
- The Koran would replace the Bible as the book used in courts for swearing in.
- All baseball players, not just catchers, would be required to wear their caps upside-down and either sideways or backwards.
- The United States would pull all troops out of Iraq and Afghanistan and invade Israel.
- All government forms would also be printed in Arabic
- Ebonics would quickly replace English as the official language taught in schools.
- Oprah Winfrey would be crowned Queen of the United States upon the end of Obama's second term.
- Bootylicious would be a requirement for all beauty pageant contestants.