Written by Fish
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Saturday, 8 November 2008

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Bertha Clarke--Public Enemy Number One

Philadelphia PA-- Bertha Clarke, 98, was arrested yesterday for film piracy after an investigation by the FBI. The senior citizen was charged with unauthorized exhibition of a copyrighted DVD. She could receive five years in jail and a $250,000.00 fine.

Ms. Clarke was arrested at the Golden Sunset Retirement Home without incident. The fiend is accused of charging $1.00 admission for movies like 'The Sound of Music' and 'Casablanca'. Ms. Clarke showed the DVDs in her room and served hot tea and cupcakes to fellow residents. She illegally made $20.00 last month alone. INTERPOL and the IRS were also made aware of her criminal misdeeds.

Mr. Fish is housing coordinator for the home and alerted the FBI about the horrific crime.

"She broke the law so she must pay, it doesn't matter how old she is." said Mr. Fish. "Every DVD has a warning about piracy. Ignorance of the law is no excuse."

Ms. Clarke was handcuffed and taken to FBI headquarters in Philadelphia. She was fingerprinted, strip-searched and de-loused before being thrown into a prison cell. She is held without bail because of the horrendous nature of the crime.

A late-breaking bulletin from the FBI states Ms. Clarke was found dead in her cell early this morning. She committed suicide.

"I'm glad she's dead, she was a criminal." said Mr. Fish. "I hope she goes to Hell for her crime."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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