Written by Bureau
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Topics: Paris Hilton

Tuesday, 4 November 2008

This week, Charley Stubbs who works for the Los Angeles Downtown Jail sold his tape of the first 45 minutes of Paris Hilton's incarceration earlier this year.

"She doesn't say a lot, really, and it's kind of slurred but the buyer will get his money's worth and I'll be able to retire from here much sooner than I had thought. In fact, the boss may retire me as soon as this hits the newstand", stated Stubbs who has worked for the correction facility for 15 years.

"First of all you'd hear her asking about where she can hang her fur and then something about the location of the cell Starbucks."

"A little later you can hear her plainly asking me to handcuff her and me refusing and she pouted a bit in a baby voice. Next she started doing her version of the old Sam Cooke song "Chain Gang" until she gets the hiccups really bad and then they're mixed in with a lot of giggling. I guess she thought the hiccups during the song was funny."

"Next she kept saying Daddy would be there soon and sure enough, at least two dozen men showed up claiming to be her daddy and asking her "Who's your Daddy?' and she'd say 'You are!' and hiccup and giggle.

"Finally she started this dance and removing some of her chothes and I don't recall what happened after that but you can hear my big mouth screaming that I had gone blind and a lot of crashing about."

"According to the recording, her Mom showed up a little later and you hear this "poor, poor baby" a lot and Paris answering back in that widdle-girl voice but still hiccuping. and there it ends."

"To tell you the truth there was at least five minutes of my boss chewing my ass but I cut that part out."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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