Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Thursday, 6 November 2008

image for Miley Cyrus To Tour With Ozzy Osbourne and Tony Bennett
Miley Cyrus performing at the Whoopi Goldberg Mall in Walla Walla, Washington

OKLAHOMA CITY, Oklahoma - Miley Cyrus, 15, will be going on tour with Ozzy Osbourne, 59, and Tony Bennett, 82. Her personal manager claims that this tour will probably break The Rolling Stones tour record.

Dexton Boyardee, an account executive with Miley Cyrus Enterprises, Inc. has stated that 'The Cyrus-Osbourne-Bennett Tour' will be a tremendous success and will sell-out in each of the 53 cities that it plays in.

Boyardee said, "Look at it this way with Miley we get the kids and their parents, with Tony we get the older folks and their kids and grandkids, and with Ozzy...well with Ozzy we get what I like to refer to as 'those out there that are just a little bit on the outside fringe of the realm of real and reasoned reality.'"

The tour is being sponsored by Fisher-Price Toys, Jell-O, and Preparation H. It is being billed as 'The Tour To End All Tours Tour.' It kicks off in Fort Worth and ends 52 cities later in Dallas. Tickets go on sale next week and are priced at $178.79, $179.89, and $478.03.

In related news, London-born Sharon Osbourne, 56, Ozzy's wife, confided to Ryan Seacrest that she secretly divorced Ozzy two years ago, but that Ozzy doesn't know it yet. Sharon added that she doesn't want their two kids to know either.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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