Guantanamo Bay, Cuba (IPP) - Osama Bin Ladin's bottle of gator aid was convicted on all counts today of aiding and abetting terrorism.
It is reported that the bottle is no ordinary run-of-the-mill bottle and it is perfectly or almost perfectly capable of communicating with people. Court records obtained from a court reporter indicate that the bottle speaks with a southern twang and often strays from perfect grammar.
The prosecutor had asked the bottle durring the trial what it had to say for itself and the bottle replied, "Look y'all, I know nobody's going to believe this but I didn't choose to be Osama's bottle of juice. He walked into the 7-11 and yanked me right of the cooler...." At this point the bottle was interrupted by the judge and was told to be silent.
The judge said he did not need to hear anymore and with a sharp slam of the gavel declared the bottle to be "guilty as hell, gosh darn it to heck, and I hearby sentence you to have your juice spilled out onto the ground at a future date to be determined by the warden of the Gitmo facility". The bottle just sat there with its mouth ajar and latter as it was carted away in the back of a military jeep it could be heard gently whistling on its way to its cell on death row where ninety-nine others like him sat.