Springfield PA-- Obama Himself was on hand to dedicate the newest Republican Re-Education Center today in Springfield! The One was declared the election winner by the Main Stream Media last week and is already showing His compassion and grace! Our Messiah is loving enough to offer his hand of forgiveness to all those not yet converted! All praises to The One.
His Glowing Holiness first entered the ballroom of the Center. Recalcitrant republicans were strapped into their chairs and could not salute even if they wanted to. On stage, dozens of TV sets blared continuously at full volume. The hapless captives were forced to watch 'Oprah', MSNBC and all the MSM outlets until they got The Message. The One was amused by their helpless struggles. All praises to The One.
Next, Our Saviour took the stage and greeted several famous new converts to The One. Colin Powell, Scott McClellan and Hillary Clinton fell to their knees and kissed His Holy Feet. The One kicked and bloodied their swollen faces for about five minutes until He was satisfied. All praises to the One.
Finally, Our Beneficent Marvel, visited the computer room at the Re-education center. His Glory watched as hackers attacked sites such as The Onion and TheSpoof.com. The hackers easily identified all writers that wrote disparaging remarks about The One. The One gleefully laughed as he planned their demise. Those who criticize His Grace are enemies of the state and must be exterminated! All praises to The One!