Safe House, DC - According to unnamed sources, Barack Obama is to turn the White House into a Safe House for illegal immigrants if elected. This follows the recent shocking relevation that Barack Obama's aunt is an illegal immigrant from Kenya living in public housing in Boston.
Applications from the estimated 10 million illegal aliens currently ignoring deportation orders from US immigration authorities have been flooding the Obama presidential campaign website since the Safe House information has been leaked to the press.
"It's a great thing," commented Roman Catholic priest Fr Sneaky Pedro, who runs a clandestine safe house operation somewhere near Nogales, Arizona.
"This is the type of change we have all been waiting for in Washington," beamed Padre Pedro, as twenty five illegal Guatemalans emerged from behind a fake altar to register on Obama's website. "Liberation theologists have plenty of experience with safe houses, so we'll be glad to lend a hand to help out with the White House project."
Taking the offensive following the relevation about his illegal immigrant aunt days prior to the presidential election, Obama had this to say.
"At first I tried to distance myself from this controversy to try to save my ass in the election," admitted Obama with a hang-dawg expression on his face.
"But then Michelle pointed out what a wimpy coward I was after all. Her family was involved in the Underground Railroad during the Civil War, helping escaped slaves hide and run to the North and Canada."
"This situation with my aunt and many of the other illegal immigrants is no different today than it was then. And it goes deeper than that. I've got several illegal African nieces and nephews who have been hiding in closets for years. They'll all be safe in the White House if I'm elected."
"All this has got to change, America!" bellowed a revved-up Obama. "Vote for change!"
The Republicans have been swift to capitalize on the embarrassing situation involving Obama's illegal aunt found in public housing in Boston and his subsequent plan to turn the White House into a Safe House.
Republican presidential candidate Senator John McCain has introduced a bill in the Senate to regulate the White House Safe House. The legislation would stipulate a time frame of no more than 6 months occupancy for illegal immigrants in the White House Safe House. Then they would have to move on to more permanent housing.
According to McCain, "With the sub-prime fiasco and world recession looming, there are plenty of empty houses available all across America for illegal immigrants. They shouldn't have to rely on public handouts and socialist sympathies."
"That's the difference between myself and Obama," explained McCain, pausing to pay a pickup truck-load of illegal Mexicans who just finished landscaping his lawn.
"Obama sees illegal immigrants in very personal, emotional, guilt-ridden ways and calls that his policy," whined McCain.
"I see it as an opportunity to get the housing market and the economy moving again," proclaimed McCain, trying to give directions to the illegal Mexican lawnmowers to one of his other seven homes in Spanglish.
In Boston, Senator Obama's aunt defended her illegal status. "Look at this!" she exclaimed, waving the deportation order about. "It was postmarked four years ago and I just received it Friday. I can't wait till my legal aid lawyer gets his hands on this."
Auntie Zeituni added, "You don't want me in public housing here in Boston? Fine. My forwarding address is now 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue."