In an astonishing twist to the continuing Johnathan Ross / Russell Brand phone call debacle, Ross has been reportedly abducted by 76 year-old grandmother Eileen Dover of Dover, who was incensed at the treatment of her hero, Manuel at the hands of the two comediens.
'I was incensed', she told our reporter. 'They incensed me very much,... a lot in fact'.
Eileeen spoke to us through a slit in the net curtains of her Dover bungalow. In the background could be heard the muffled grunts of Johnathan Ross, bound with cling film and gagged with a pair of Eileen's spacious knickers.
'We always used to watch Fawlty Towers', she said, with a sparkle in her eyes, 'I never liked the way they treated Manuel, and I wrote a letter telling them. I did try to kidnap John Cleese once, but he got away.'
When asked when she was going to let Johnathan Ross go, she thought for a moment and then said, 'Well, he needs teaching a lesson, so I might just hang on to him for a while until he's said "sorry" a few more times. Sometimes I tickle his feet and blow smoke rings into his eyes just for fun. It's not malicious though, I just can't stand clever cunts.'