Airport Alert - Washington DC In perhaps one of the most embarrassing flight delays in presidential campaigning, Flight 1052, US Air from Miami to Washington was stopped today when a personal vibrating device fell and went off.
Senator Joseph Biden, on the last leg of a whirlwind campaign, caused needless alarm when on dumping the contents of his carry on into the bin, the VibroTwat was inadvertently 'turned on'
"Sh***T man, people hit the floor, it was the dee lux model, so it was equipped with the sound card and sh*t, so it's like moaning and whining, you know like you were laying some wood, but I guess to some they thought it sounded like it was gonna explode," said Homeland Security Officer Tyrone Jackson.
"I saw the man trying to shove it back in his bag but it kept jumping outta his hand. That's suspicious, so we all came over to investigate. I don't know the dude, so he's a saying,' Get back,get back', so I figure maybe we should just taze the sucker. So we all get a bead on this dude, that's probably what got everyone scrambling, anyway my Sergeant, tells us to chill? To stand down, and he grabs, what's it called? Anyways it's like this nasty rubber pussey and it's shakin and moaning, looked like some kind of animal with the mangy hair stuck on it and all. Well we all looked at each other and figured it out and then we just started laffin. The Senator? he grabbed it from my Sarge and shoved it in his bag, he was p*ssed, he stomps off down to boarding. Still they had to go through procedures and shut down, looking for some more terrorists pussey bombs, I suppose."
Reaction at Miami International Airport baggage check area, Gate 55, went from panic, to realization, to laughter.
Myron Goldbladder, also on the flight said this, "I mean with the whizz and the whirl and the whirl and the whizz, I thought to myself, this is where the knackers put their schmeckles, oy, it's great it all turned out just hunky dory, but what if it had been a real terrorist? What if that rubber knish suddenly blew up? Then where would we all be? That's why I like the real thing, no rubber pusses for me please."
Biden campaign spokesman said this, "The Senator was investigating recent cheap Chinese imports to the adult toy industry. Some of the standards of quality in their manufacturing have been less than U.S. certifications in these items. The fact that the item in question turned on suddenly could be a defect in manufacturing in itself."