WASHINGTON D.C. - In a move that has sent shock reverberations throughout the McCain-Palin campaign, President George W. Bush has stated that he will be voting for Senator Barack Obama.
The president told CNN's Wolf Blitzer that there are several reasons that helped him arrive at his decision. He said that one reason was the fact that John McCain and his running mate Sarah Palin had gone from bad-mouthing him once or twice a day to as many as 27 times a day.
Bush stated, "You know Wolfy that kind of political backstabbing really gets a little old after a while. I used to like old McCain, and I use the term old in a nice sort of way. I don't mean to imply that he's old, like say the Grand Canyon in Arkansas, or the pyramids of England, or even the leaning tower of pizza in Denmark. But damnit, 'Big Mac' has bitten the hand that feeds him. And nothing irks me more than that, except maybe when Laura jokingly sneezes in my bowl of Cap'n Crunch breakfast cereal."
Bush continued, "Hell, Blitzy, one time I even lent the old ex-PWO (sic) $50. Granted he paid me back, but it took him about three years. Another thing that I didn't like was that the one time that he and Cindy had Laura and I over to one of their seven houses for dinner I asked for a Lone Star Beer. And Wolfer, Miss Cindy went all Bill O'Reilly on me shouting at me and screaming that she was the Budweiser queen and how dare me ask for another brand of beer and that I was rude and way out of line.
Well I'm a Texas gentleman, but I stood up and said, "Now hold your damn horses you anorexic-looking geriatric Barbie doll. I am your president and you are not going to raise you whiny little California surfing grandmother voice to me like that. Just then one of my secret service agents stepped in and handcuffed her. She started crying, John started crying, Laura started crying, and I started laughing my Crawford, Texas butt off."
Blitzer asked, "What happened then Mr. President?" and Bush replied, "Well sir, after about 10 minutes Laura convinced me to have the handcuffs taken off. But needless to say Mrs. McCain being handcuffed kind of put a little bit of a damper on the evening's festivities. So Laura and I decided to leave and we had a nice quite Mexican #3 dinner at Tino, Tina, & Tino Jr.'s Taco Teepee Restaurant, and afterwards we checked into a local Ramada Inn with Showtime, HBO, and ESPN HD."
Blitzer then asked the president how he felt about Governor Sarah Palin and Bush rolled his eyes and replied, "Ah yes, Sarah Palin. Well Wolfster let me just say that first of all being from Texas I don't like the fact that Alaska is bigger than my home state.
Now having said that, I keep hearing that Palin is the most popular governor in America and that she has really done a lot for her state, and that she can see China from her front porch. Well that really ain't no big deal...hell on a clear day I can be sittin' on my outhouse down on my Texas ranch and I can see Maracas, Venezuela.
But now gettin' back to Alaska. Let's get one thing straight first of all...Alaska just ain't got that many folks. In fact there are more people living in Austin, Texas than in the entire state of Alaska. So my goodness that little singer what's her name?...Miley Serious could be governor of Alaska, or at the very least senator.
Now if Mrs. Palin was the governor of say California or Pennsylvania or Chicago, then this old Texas boy might be impressed but Alaska?...well I'm sorry, but to quote that gorgeous-looking blonde Hillary Clinton...no way, no how, no McCain.
And Blitzer, I hate to leave good company, but I've got to go. My chauffeur is driving me to Mrs. Abraham Lincoln Elementary School, here in D.C. so that I can vote for the next president of the United States...Senator Barack Humberto Alabama."
In other news, the Republic of China is considering tearing down 'The Great Wall of China' and replacing it with 'The Great Hedge of China.'