Written by Earnest A. Peal
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Friday, 31 October 2008

image for "Joe the Plumber" eliminated on reality TV show
McCain's former Best Friend is said to be heartbroken over no longer being McCain's best talking point

New Holland, OH--Joe the Plumber, real name Samuel J. Wurzelbacher, of Holland, Ohio, competed against 18 contestants for a chance to become John McCain's new best talking point on the FOX Network's reality show "John McCain's My New BTP."

Joe was eliminated within the first half hour of Tuesday night's episode, leaving eight remaining contestants in his wake.

Joe (pronounced "Joe") was edited to be pretty much a generic "I hate taxes" everyman entity through the past five episodes.

During his time on the show, Joe partied all night with Sarah Palin and other contestants in clubs and on a boat, played polo on a moose's back, posed for "sexy" roller coaster photos and was grilled by Internet gossip gurus Jackie Broyles and Dunlap to determine his level of "realness". He was determined to be the second most "real" contestant.

On Tuesday's episode, he competed in a mock game show, "I (heart) McCain," answering trivia questions about McCain's achievements. He lost, when he could only name "being shot down in Vietnam" and "being tortured in Vietnam".

He won his qualifying round (which was not televised) and competed against two women in the final. He got one out of three questions correct, knowing that McCain was born in Panama and that he grew up at a military school; he did not know the city of Marietta, Georgia declared John McCain's birthday a holiday (in honor of Lockheed-Marietta receiving a heavy-lift airplane contract in place of Boeing) or that McCain had five 79th birthday parties. Joe thought McCain had 10 parties.

(Joe said it was kind of "creepy" that William Ayers, the man who won the best Talking Point contest, knew all of the McCain trivia).

Ayers' prize was the privilege of being vilified on national television 24/7 until Nov. 4-which should raise his national profile enough to allow him to sell a ghost written memoir for millions (as have both McCain and Obama).

If it's any consolation, none of the other contestants had anything mean to say, just well wishes and messages of love.

Joe can be reached regarding book and movie deals, and guest appearances, through his new agent Jim Della Croce of The Press Office.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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