Defiance, Ohio - Left unattended by his campaign aides, John McCain wandered onto the stage of his political fund raising rally today and started asking the audience if they had seen Joe the Plumber. "It was a toss up as to who looked more stun and confused," said a member of the media. "The audience or McCain."
For what must have seemed like an eternity for the audience, McCain just stood at the podium asking for Joe the Plumber, even turning to them for help to find Joe.
"They all turned to each other like they were in church on Sunday morning," said a member of the foreign press. "Only instead of exchanging well wishes, they were asking if the person standing right next to them was Joe. And if they had seen Joe. The whole affair was ridiculous. You typical Americans, you are so stupid and fat too. Just like the Homer Simpson."
The spectacle then turned from the surreal to the sublime as McCain's aides then scurried about the stage pretending to look for Joe the Plumber, who they knew was not scheduled to be there.
"They pretended to be looking for Joe, covering up for McCain having a senior moment," said member of the audience "But really, they were emailing their resumes with the Blackberries, all the while blaming each other for leaving McCain unattended."
"I'm just glad McCain was wearing Depends," said another member of the audience. "My gosh, I was half expecting him to ask us to change him next."
Apparently, Joe was supposed to drive McCain to his doctor's appointment for his annual prostate examine, but Joe had changed his mind and did not inform anyone, said a member of the McCain staff.
"Joe thought about it over a couple of beers," said a friend of Joe. "And the more he drank the more he thought about it. And believe me Joe is one deep thinker. So then right about dawn Joe turns to me and says, 'Do me a favor and buy me another beer."
Then after chugging it down, Joe the Plumber turned to his friend again and said, "You know not driving McCain to his doctor an hour ago was a good idea. And I'm not just saying that because I'm drunk as a skunk (giggles). No. I'm saying that because I'm somebody (weeping). I'm Joe the Plumber! And driving McCain there would not be the social thing to do like he said, but down right social (hiccups) ism!"
Reportedly, those were Joe's last words before he passed out drunk and was placed into a taxicab headed for his home.
In all fairness, later, Joe's entire political and economic manifesto was found written on a back of a discarded and stained cocktail napkin discovered on the floor of the men's bathroom.
Unfortunately, none of the handwriting experts contacted so far has been able to interpret the incoherent drunken babbling scrawl, although, the accompanying stains have been readily confirmed as biological in nature.
Ironically, the route the taxicab took passed right by the McCain fund raising rally on the way to Joe's home and Joe himself asked the cabbie to stop so he could accuse McCain of being a socialist just like Obama.
"I thought he was just another drunk trying to get out of paying his fare," said Ali Pabu, the cab driver. "So I told him sit back and relax or I would call the cops him. Then we had a long discussion about the disastrous effects of an unregulated free-market capitalism, and the fundamental difference between John Maynard Keynes and Karl Marx. I don't think he could make heads or tails out of what I was talking about."