MIDDLE WASHINGTON - The world was stunned today when it was revealed that U.S. President George Bush is really a schizophrenic Hobbit posing as a Republican.
The exposure of this political sham occurred during a White House press conference when Bush, after becoming agitated over questions about ending the war in Iraq, held up a glowing ring and proclaimed that he would order his "real" defense secretary, Saruman, to deploy Orc warriors to deal with terrorists.
A press frenzy resulted as Bush tried to flee but he was quickly restrained by Secret Service agents who later reported they had been suspicious of his behavior for some time. Agents wrested the heavy, gold ring from the president's hand and turned it over to Donald Rumsfeld for safe-keeping.
Secret Service agent, Buff Biffington, told reporters that Bush had been blaming his odd behavior and slurred speech on fainting spells but "we knew something was amiss when he began eating live goldfish from the White House pond."
When reached for comment, the president's mother tearfully confirmed that G.W. had, indeed, been adopted.
"We's alwaysss loved ours little G," she told reporters, "and we wants our precioussss to come home."
Donald Rumsfeld was unavailable for comment but a source close to the White House said Rumsfeld left shortly after the incident for a vacation in Isengard.