Washington DC-- China today was charged with sending tons of poisoned candy to the USA, just before Halloween. The Chinese are furious with the credit crunch and the trade imbalance. They want revenge and they want America to pay. The candy is laced with the same poison the Evil Queen used on Snow White. The Chinese hope to send America's kids to sleep for twenty years.
Government officials say chocolate candies, especially N&N's, Hersheeps Kisses, and Roach's Peanut Butter Cups are 100% poisonous. Any candy purchased at Wallmarx is suspect. The USA has not made any candy since the 1980's.
"We just want you roundeyes to go to syeep for yong, yong time. You suck, yeah." said Peoples Army General Wang Dang Bang. "We no happy with your funny money, yeah yeah yeah." said the general.
Cathy Dumm is a soccer mom who already let her kids eat the poisoned candy. "They haven't made a sound all week, I'm loving it!" said the superficial blond. "Now I have more time for my Pilates class, I love Wallmarx, I hope the kids never wake up."
Government officials say it may be best to skip candy this Halloween and give out apples and oranges instead. The officials also recommended parents check the fruits for razor blades and safety pins.
"You guys sicko in USA, yeah, yeah. We take you over soon and make everyone work at Wallmarx." said General Wang Dang Bang.