Written by Frank Cotolo
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Topics: Death, Washington

Thursday, 3 June 2004

image for Bigfoot found, shot down in cold blood
The last photograph of Bigfoot before his murder.

REDCLIFF, Wash. -- A hunter claims that he saw the legendary beast known as Bigfoot, shot him five times through the chest and watched it bleed to death in a remote part of Washington state.

Before he fired the five rounds, the man reportedly took a photo of the strange creature known as Sasquatch.

"He bled like any wild animal," said Irvine Knotts, a local man who said he was sick to death of the Bigfoot legend. "He died like a mule with no teeth, squealin' like a rubber ducky."

Knotts said he loaded his rifle and headed for the woods to settle the Bigfoot legend once and for all. He went to an area where it was reported the beast was last seen.

"I found him there and he looked like a big dirty rat who hadn't bathed in years," said Knotts. "And he smelled like baked racoon with garlic stuffed in its ears. Disgusting. But it's finally over, this stupid hunt for the varmint is over."

Scientists are shocked that after all the years of searching, hunting and tracking, a man with no experience found Bigfoot so easily.

But they were disappointed, too.

"We could have learned much from the creature," said one scientist, "if anyone had captured it alive. Dead, it isn't worth much to us."

"Nonsense," said Knotts. "Fur's gonna make a great rug once I can blow the stink off of it."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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