Written by Robert W. Armijo
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Friday, 24 October 2008

image for People reporting ATMs casting votes for McCain instead of dispensing cash
Remember, always wear clean underwear in case you get into an accident and always, always get a receipt

Seattle, Washington - ATM customers across the country are reporting banking errors to their branch managers, complaining that every time they withdraw cash at the automated teller machine, they get a prerecorded message thanking them for casting their vote for McCain, instead of dispensing money.

"Worst of all," said Billy Jackson, a Bank of America customer. "It didn't give me a receipt. So I have no proof of the transaction, and the bank manager refuses to refund the money I never got without one."

"We will have to pull the security tape," said Markus McGuire, Jackson's branch bank manger. "And if it confirms that Mr. Jackson in deed did cast his vote for McCain, he will be fully remunerated for his loss."

According to Jackson, he had no intention of voting when he walked up to his bank's ATM.

"I didn't want to vote for McCain," said Jackson. "I just wanted to withdraw some money to buy a Dick Cheney Halloween mask. In fact, I already voted and it was for Obama."

"What? Voting twice?" said an outraged McGuire. "Sounds more like voter fraud than a banking error to me. I'll have to report this to the county registrar's office."

Meanwhile, a spokesman for the leading manufacture of ATMs, Diebold, said that they were aware of the problem and assured customers that they would be refunded any money that their machines failed to dispense.

"It was a mistake in the shipping department," said a spokesman for Diebold. "Those machines were not supposed to go to the banks. They were supposed to go to polling stations."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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