Washington DC, (IPP) - Postmaster General Dempsey Dumpster III announced today that the Post Office will slash rates because of the drop in fuel prices.
The Post Master said that the government is the people's friend and this is their way of helping out American families which are struggling to survive.
The Post Master went on to explain how the price of gas had been driven up wildly by speculators who had nothing to do with the actual production of gas and oil and that this had precipitated the current economic meltdown that has swept the planet.
The Post Master ended his speech with a dark message wherein he speculated out loud that the only solution to the economic mess the world finds itself in now is war. He said that war oils the world economy and reduces the size of the undercalssses who are always the ones that are forced to sacrifice their young. He also said this would reduce a lot of pressure built up due to a lack of fuel, jobs, food, and living space.