Neighbors of pop star Britney Spears say they had to call police after several of them found their cats exsanquinated and dead squirrels littering their front yards.
Britney quickly became a suspect in the deaths after sources close to the star reported in a local newspaper that Britney had joined a vampire cult and expressed a real fondness for blood, pain and animal sacrifices.
During an interview with police Ms. Spears began convulsing and foaming at the mouth. Medics were call and Britney was rushed to a local hospital. When asked how she felt, Britney was reported to have growled, "bite me."
Blood tests confirmed that Britney had contracted rabies and the dead squirrels were taken into evidence as possible agents of the transmission. Dr. Barney Bubcas of Sisters of Mercy Hospital, an expert in the treatment of urban Vampires, states he does not believe that Britney is s a true Vampire, but suffers from a rare form of Anemia.
"I prescribed liver sandwiches for mild cases, transfusions for the more severe ones," he said. "Blood tests will help determine which treatment is best for Ms. Spears.
Nurse's report that when they took Britney's blood, she tried to grab the vials and then began sucking on her own arm, 'slurping like she was drinking soda pop.' "We were glad they got her in here before she killed any more pets," one nurse said. Hospital staff also reported that Britney filed her incisors into "fangs."
"At first we thought she had lost her porcelain crowns, but a dental expert said that the 'carving' was 'self-inflicted."