Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Friday, 24 October 2008

image for Presenting Joe The Plumber Action Figure Doll
Assbro's Joe The Plumber's Toy Bathroom Accessory

PEORIA, Illinois - The Assbro Toy Co. has just announced that it has started 24-hour-a-day production on what they are hoping will be the most popular toy of the Christmas season the 'Joe The Plumber' action figure doll.'

Assbro will be selling the 'Joe The Plumber' toy which comes complete with a little wrench in one hand and a little toy 'job estimate' in the other. The action figure is dressed in a blue collar denim work shirt with a circular patch over the left front pocket that simply reads, 'Joe' and he wears well-worn low-rise jeans, scuffed up work boots, white socks, and a gimme cap with a faucet patch.

The action figure will retail for $27.89 (batteries sold seperately). And for an extra $59.98 you can get the 'Joe The Plumber Toy Bathroom' accessory which comes complete with full working wash basin, shower, commode, little bitty shampoo bottles, and tiny little soaps along with a 16-oz bottle of starter water to get you going.

Assbro has stated that they have already recieved over 300,000 orders for the new 'Joe The Plumber' action figure dolls and that's just from Home Depot and Lowe's alone. They stated that they will also be selling a talking 'Joe The Plumber' doll that will say 17 popular plumbing phrases such as, "Hey where's my friggin' wrench?" "Ma'am it looks like the toilet is gonna need a little more work than I originally figured," and "Lady don't worry about the caulk stains on your dog, he'll be just fine in a few days."

The action figure will be available in literally every toy store in the US, Canada, and Mexico; except that in Mexico it will be selling as 'Jose The Plomero,' and instead of carrying a wrench and a job estimate he will be carrying a machete and a Chihuahua.

In related news, ABC is working on a 'Joe The Plumber' Saturday morning children's cartoon show. And Touchstone Pictures will soon begin production on a movie entitled, 'Joe The Plumber and The Temple of The Pipe Pliers Located Beyond The Wild Wicked World of Wrenches' which will star Matthew McConaughey, Eva Longoria, and Jessica Simpson, and which they plan on releasing in conjuction with Lavatory Day (Dec. 13).

(THE PLUMBER'S CREED: Sorry no refunds, exchanges, downgrades, discounts, buy one-get-one-free deals, or sweet talking the plumber to try and get a few bucks knocked off the bill)

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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