State College PA-- Akkuweather meteorologists issued a stunning, urgent announcement to everyone along the East Coast today. The shocking weather bulletin indicated all vegetation will die tonight. All but the hardiest crops will die and there will be no food.
The unknown weather anomaly will wipe out trillions of plants, insects and unprotected animals. "I don't believe we have seen anything of this magnitude since the last Ice Age." said Senior Expert Meteorologist and Maniac Henry Madkooky. "This might be the end of the world."
Panicked shoppers overwhelmed grocery stores today. Hundreds were killed in rioting. Local and state governments said the crisis could last up to six months in some locations. Schools and businesses shut down for the pending calamity. Homeland Insecurity declared a red alert. The November elections were suspended.
"This is what will happen." said the hysterical Henry Madkooky. "All flowering plants will die. All flying insects will die. Trees will lose their leaves and appear to die. Birds must either migrate or die. This is the worst thing that ever happened." said the sobbing wacky weatherman.
Homeland Insecurity is warning some rivers and lakes might eventually freeze over, shutting down commerce and collapsing the economy. All civil rights have been suspended because of the imminent catastrophe.
Foreign governments were informed of the crisis but they seemed perplexed.
"We call that Autumn and Winter in England." said Prime Minister Gordon Brown. "Has everybody gone completely bonkers in the USA??"