Written by queen mudder
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Topics: Vatican, Washington

Thursday, 3 June 2004

(Vatican City, Thursday). Just hours ahead of the President's imminent arrival from Washington as part of a three-day European visit to coincide with the weekend's 60th anniversary celebrations of the D Day Landings, the Papal Office for Beatifications, Canonisations, Creationisms and Infallibility (BCCI) has confirmed that the Holy Father "may look favorably" upon an official White House request to beatify President George Bush Jr.

Sources close to the President's substance abuse counsellors confirmed late yesterday that the qualifying miracle upon which beatification depends may well be the astonishing turn-around in his personal ratings in the US opinion polls, currently some 20 points behind the nadir reached by Michael Jackson. Alternatively, an imminent capture of Osama Bin Laden would do just as well.

Bush Jr may hope for a personal exemption from technicalities such as "qualifying miracles", on the grounds that his many faith-based initiatives (such as getting into the White House without actually winning an election) are enough for Deuce to "see him all right".

As Scare Force One touches down on the tarmac tonight, the entire US Republican Party will be doubtlessly praying for that miracle.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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