Written by Sparky Fletcher
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Wednesday, 22 October 2008

LOMBARD, IL (Friggemall Wire Services) - Republican presidential candidate John McCain surprised his staff and supporters by announcing this morning that he is temporarily suspending his campaign for three days, effectively immediately.

"There will be no rally this afternoon," McCain said to a disappointed, rain-soaked crowd in this suburb of Chicago. "Instead, I plan to take a nap promptly at 1:00 p.m. on the couch inside my tour bus. After that, I'll play it by ear."

When asked to elaborate further, McCain gave little in the way of concrete details. "I can't give you times," McCain stated, "but I'll say this: Dinner, at some point, will be at a nearby MCL Cafeteria. Tomorrow's schedule will be dominated by a marathon showing of 'Matlock,' followed by a night of bingo at the VFW over on Halstead. I have yet to decide if I'll arrive in time to play the Early Bird cards."

Plans for day three of McCain's campaign absence is just as vague. "I might play a bit of Glenn Miller, sit on a swing, and think about the good old days. Or I might go rest on a bench at a mall and watch our good, hard-working Americans pump dollars into our economy. But make no mistake: Another nap will be in there somewhere."

McCain reassured supporters that he will return to his regularly-scheduled campaign stops "in a few days, unless there's a really good flea market in the area."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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