Mt. Washington Observatory,NH/ The Mountain Ear - Speaking from his new North Eastern Regional Command Center, President by Acclimation Barack Hussein Obama expounded on his solution to black on black crime and tension in the nation's urban cities.
"We've got to balance the Demographics," he stated, " it doesn't make sense that white folks should have all these mountains, trees and big farms while all us black folks have is the street corner in our neighborhood that we have to protect with our life's blood. We've done sold all the women and drugs we can sell in our cities....we done need to expand our market base!"
Obama said it was time for the rest of the nation to come into the 21st Century and experience the enlightenment that liberal Democratic reform had made in the country's great cities of Detroit, Chicago, Washington, DC, New Orleans, Atlanta and Atlantic Beach, SC. "We're going to bring the same great leadership from those cities to the rest of the country,!" he crowed. "I have received my mandate and I will spare you no expense to make it the Law of the Land...you WILL give unto me, so I may give to others!"
Obama said he had authorized the ACORN Relocation Team (ART) to make plans to start relocating people to Burlington, Vermont, Nashua, New Hampshire, and Bar Harbor, Maine. "It's only a start,"he said," within 2 years utilizing our voter registration drives, extortion of city government to fund low income housing, and earmarks from Congress, the White Mountains will have a whole 'nother look!"
Liberal Democrats in Vermont, all of whom had moved from New York to escape ghetto violence while espousing "love for their fellow man", were shocked. Their lone congressman, self professed "socialist" Bernie Sanders, said "I"m sure the President misspoke. We like the way things are here...we ex New Yorkers now have what we want, and we shouldn't have to share!"
Meanwhile up in Pinkham Notch, NH, home of the famous "Old Man of the Mountain", a natural formation of glazier rocks with the profile of a senior founder of the state that had finally collapsed in 2003, new plans were on the drawing table.
Pallets of black Kenyan Marble have been moved onto the site and scaffolding has started to be erected. The former "Old Man" had been the state emblem since 1945 and appeared everywhere on State public relations brochures.
State officials that have seen preliminary drawings say the new protrusion from Cannon Mountain looks similar to a caricature of Michelle Obama "haulin' ass with a full load!"
Back up in Bar Harbor, Me, the Ivy League contingent was also shocked. The bastion of Muffy and Buffy look alikes were just as aghast as the Vermonters.
Summer home for some of the original "Daughters of the Revolution", Bar Harbor residents likened the proposed immigration to the great fire of 1948, when almost the whole town burned to the ground. "This distribution of wealth thing is great....but it shouldn't apply to us," said one blue blood who had just landed at the Bar Harbor airport in his G-5.
Sitting in his Command Chair in the Mt. Washington Observatory, which in the past had recorded the highest ever wind gusts of over 200 MPH, President Obama was able to oversea his new voter base covering 3 states and as far as the Atlantic Ocean.
"Yes, Sir, if you think the wind was blowing hard up here, wait till you get a taste of my new Wind of Change that be comin'...goin' blow you folks away!"