Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Sunday, 19 October 2008

image for McCain Finally Blames Palin For Low Poll Numbers
Sarah Palin taking her measurements for that Inaguration dress which it now appears she won't be needing afterall

HOBOKEN, New York - Well it appears that the honeymoon between Senator John McCain and Governor Sarah Palin is finally over.

McCain speaking before a crowd gathered at Sinatra Park in Hoboken said that he is extremely disappointed at the latest results of the 'Giddy Up' poll. And he did not hesitate to say that he is beginning to sweat supersized beads of honest-to-goodness worried concern.

The latest 'Giddy Up' poll shows Senator Barack Obama opening up a tremendous percentage lead with 79%, followed by Joe The Plumber with 8%, Ralph Nader with 7%, Cloris Leachman with 4%, and John McCain is in last place with 2%.

A newsman with CBS news reports overhearing John turn to Sarah while they were having breakfast at a Denny's and saying, "Sarah, it takes a lot to scare this old ex-POW, but I'm afraid to say that our poll numbers are sinking faster than a Lake Erie cheeseburger tied to a 1,000 pound man." Sarah reportedly asked, "Where the hell is Lake Erie?"

McCain shook his head and said, "Sarah, I have to be honest with you, especially since the side of my campaign bus does read 'The Straight Talk Express.' And so, my female friend, I have to say that it is quite obvious that you have been responsible for 'our low poll numbers.'" Sarah stood up and screamed, "What!" She then got in McCain's face and yelled, "Look here you old timer, just what the hell do you mean by saying that I'm responsible for 'our low poll numbers.' Let me remind you, you old coot with the bad comb-over that people all over the country from West Dakota to East Dakota are absolutely liking the heck out of this damn good-looking Alaskan mama."

Sarah went on, "And Mr. McCain, let me inform you that thousands of 'Lower 48' Americans are even calling me endearing names such as 'Saracuda,' 'Salmon Sarah,' 'Dog Sled Sarah,' 'The Alaskan Queen,' 'Snowflake Sarah,' and 'Snow Plow Sarah.' So don't be telling me that I am responsible for 'our low poll numbers.' I swear I am so mad that at this moment I could go all Mike Tyson on you right now...you old Steve Martin-looking relic...I am just one moose huntin' blink away from biting off one of your self-righteous GOP ears so you better just back off pronto mister!"

McCain quickly got up and ran into the men's restroom where he was last seen throwing up and moaning to himself, "Damnit, I told my vice-president nominee seeking committee that the wilderness moose hunter's vote would not really be all that important. Oh well, at least after November 5, I'll still have Cindy Lou's seven houses and her $100 million.

And truth be told, I am so frustrated and so disappointed that after November 4, I'm not really gonna care one flea's butt about the economy, foreign policy, jobs, houses, Fannie Mac, or Freddie Mae, or Fannie Mae, or Fannie Frick and Frack, or Freddie Big Mac Attack, or Freddie Friggin Fracker, or...whatever the frack their names are. Gosh, I'm so damn tired..."

In other news, Joe Biden was seen at the dentist's office where he went in for a minor procedure. It seems that Joe's jaw muscles had locked up due to the fact that ever since he saw the last highly favorable 'Giddy Up' polls, he has been smiling from ear-to-ear!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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