Chicago, Illinois - (X-Files Mess): Barack Obama's has brushed aside pesky rumors that General Colon Bowell is his birth father and hinted that the two were once abducted from the same alien mothership.
"Yeah, the 101st Airborne Division mounted a highly complex hit-n-run rescue mission on our Area 51 captors during the Cuban Missal (sic) crisis," the Presidential wannabe said today.
"Sure I was just a little kid and Colon Bowell - well, he was a strapping great big hunk of a daddy!" Obama added.
"Actually I was rather enjoying myself aboard the mothercraft," Obama continued, "because the little grey guys that took me in via an extraterrestrial tractor beam prophesied that one day I'd be Commander in Chief and Leader of the Free World.
"Of course, when I eventually got home my Mom said she'd whup my ass if I ever told anyone, bless her."
Obama's voter appeal among undecided UFO abductees has since soared.