A startling discovery that is sure to shake the world was revealed this last week from an unlikely source. Washington DC resident Mary Littlegirl has come forward and told TheSpoof.com reporters how at fifteen years of age she had a "fling" with then president of the United States, Bill Clinton, and the secret that he confided in her with.
"US presidents are not elected," Littlegirl said, "they are selected."
Littlegirl claimed that she tried to go to the press with her story shortly after Clinton left office, but no one believed her. It wasn't until the discovery of the secret diary of General Charles Cornwallis, who led the British troops in the Revolutionary War that Littlegirl's claims began to be taken more seriously.
In the diary, Cornwallis stated that he had not surrendered unconditionally to the rebel colonies, as had been reported, but rather that an agreement had been reached: Britain would retain secret rule over the states as sort of a "covert puppet-master" and the US would be granted the semblance of independence from British rule.
Initially the validity of the diary was questioned, until England's former Prime Minister, Tony Blair, spoke to reporters and admitted the whole thing to be true.
"Up until now, only a select few knew the truth" said Blair, "but I just couldn't hold it in any longer. It's just too funny, isn't it?"
It does leave us with one haunting question: Why would the UK select some of the men for US President that they have over the years? Littlegirl commented that she didn't know about other presidents, but in Clinton's case, Clinton himself had told her that he had "screwed someone pretty important."