At a campaign dinner in Virginia Beach, Virginia, republican presidential candidate John McCain identified "having survived being tortured for over five years," as THE key issue in the upcoming November presidential election.
"Look at my opponent's record on surviving being tortured," stated McCain, Monday. "Barack Obama has never even been given a noogie but that may change at the next debate. It's an indisputable matter of public record that while I was rolled up in duct tape like a mummy in the Hanoi Hilton and getting kicked in the nuggets, Obama was out there shooting basketballs with some hoodlum basketballer types."
McCain then added that the average American citizen should seriously consider whether it wants to risk electing a president who has no experience at being hooked up to a battery or waking up in the middle of the night screaming at the top of his lungs in his entire life.
"Just look real close at his fingernails next time he's on camera. See any missing?"