Somewhere in SC on a Chicken Processing Plant/Agricultural News - Financially devastated by the recent Global Meltdown, an impoverished Spoof contributer, EZ Writer, in a Faustian inspired move, joined the ACORN Get Out the Vote Team to put food money on the table. He succeeded beyond his wildest dreams.
After reading the ACORN Manifesto, and receiving a US Government backed gas card, EZ headed off to the middle part of this southern state. His first stop was at a detention center where only days ago Immigration Officials swooped in and arrested 600 shift workers in a chicken processing plant. The move effectively closed down the plant, and the entire town as well.
Flashing his ACORN credentials, the intimidated warden, who's job depends on an appointment from the Democrat Party, immediately allowed EZ access to the detainees for interviews, and offered computer access to state records, The World Bank, meeting tables, boxes of pens, reams of carbon paper, 8 translators and 25 cases of cold Corona plus 200 limes.
Working quickly,and using the carbon paper , a 1980 Mexican phone book, and a recent list of death certificates, EZ compiled a new voting list of 1800 souls, including 53 low paid guards at the facility.
EZ then signed up the guards to be block wardens in their neighborhoods and within 24 hours, each block leader had supplied EZ with a total of 1500 new voters for a cumulative total of 79,500, plus his original 1800.
Redeeming his registrations at the local ACORN HQ for cash, EZ grossed $813,000 at $10 a head, with overhead of only $.50 for each registration secured by a block warden. Net profit for 48 hours work:$773,250 . Almost as good as Hillary Clinton's venture into the commodity market a decade ago!
Since ACORN is listed as a tax exempt community action group, EZ's windfall is not subject to taxes. ACORN Financial Advisors DID caution EZ to not make any deposits of more than $1,000 in a bank, even if he found one that was open or he could trust, so as not to cause even a hint of scandal.
As employee of the week for his region, EZ got the use of a Plumb Purple 1979 Chevrolet Caprice Low Rider Special with hydraulic air shocks, giving it more hops than a VW rabbit when cruisin' the hood.
When last seen EZ was headed to a big NRA meeting in North Carolina. Associates warned him that he may be making a mistake handing out Obama stickers at the huge rally. "What are they going to do, SHOOT ME?" he said happily , subtly oozing his way into a passing Obama Parade in his Politically Correct Ride.