The American Securities and Exchange Commission has banned selling by short floor brokers.
With their little legs, they are just to fast about the floor of the stock exchange, zipping around, right between the legs of taller brokers, making deals too quickly before performing due diligence. Clutching wads of shares in one little hand and massive Starbucks mucho venté sloshing around in the other, the short sellers often bump into and scald the 'nether regions' of taller brokers causing loud cries of pain and a general chaotic effect on world markets.
And this is not simply confined to the floors of America's stock market. Short sellers are rife in the markets of Japan, Germany, and London as well - where the coffee is even hotter and the cries of pain in foreign tongues shriller still!
Curiously, the Pygmy market in central Africa remains immune to this circus atmosphere trading.
In other news, sales of elevator shoes are skyrocketing in New York's financial district.