The Republican presidential nominee, John McCain, announced he was withdrawing from the 2008 presidential campaign after remembering he was married to a beer heiress.
The former-presidential hopeful, in a departure from the meticulously groomed appearance synonymous with his party, held a press conference wearing a t-shirt, shorts, and a plastic helmet with beer can holders and a plastic straw running to his mouth. Mr. McCain indicated he had a change of heart after the last presidential debate with his former rival, Senator Barrack Obama.
"I remember standing up on stage under those hot lights, with that tie on and thinking: What am I doing here? The economy is trashed, the stock market is falling faster than an F-4 over Vietnam- and I should know.
"The environment is a disaster, we still can't find a 6 foot Muslim on dialysis, we've bombed two countries back to the Stone Age but have more enemies than ever, Americans are losing their houses, and the banks are folding like they've been playing internet Texas hold'em with all of our money.
"Then it occurred to me- Why the hell would I want this job? I have access to all of the beer a man could ever want!"
Senator McCain was last seen asking former vice-presidential hopeful Sarah Palin if she wanted a hit off his beer funnel.