Written by orioncrew
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this
Topics: George W. Bush, Iraq

Wednesday, 8 October 2008

image for President Not Ready to Pull Out of Iraq
"Need a hand boys?" That'll be the day.

Washington DC - In a news conference from the Oval Office, President Bush stated the U.S. was not ready to fully withdrawal from Iraq.

The President went on to elaborate, "The U.S. needs to perform a complex sequence of maneuvers to ensure security in the region".

The President described these maneuvers as a series of thrusts into Iraq, followed by a partial withdrawal after each thrust. He explained, "Some thrusts will be shallow excursions into specific sensitive areas of the region, while other thrusts will penetrate deeply into Iraqi Territory. Each thrust will be followed by a partial withdrawal of U.S. forces from the area. Some withdrawals will only reduce a small fraction of overall troop levels, while other withdrawals will be very close to a complete pull out. The U.S. needs to build up to a rhythm of thrusts and withdrawals, but varying the frequency and duration of each thrust/pull out cycle".

When responding to a question on how the U.S. would know when to completely pull-out of Iraq. The President responded, "We'll know when the time comes when several indicators are met: a near-unsustainable swelling of military units and a theater-wide sense of urgency will be reported by all units involved. The President declined to comment on if any of the thrusts would be into the region known as the G Spot which to date has never been secured by coalition forces.

The President went on to explain, "If the U.S. pulls out of Iraq prematurely; troops will lose rhythm and necessary foothold in the region. A substantial amount of work would then need to be executed to get back the moment. If a complete pull out of Iraq is delayed or an incomplete withdrawal is executed prior to climax, a substantial number of troops, mostly comprised of Seaman currently located within two highly-sensitive deployment areas, may be inadvertently deployed into the region".

Department of Defense analysts predict the possible results from an unscheduled, inadvertent deployment into Iraq may include substantial swelling, particularly in the region where Tigris and Euphrates Rivers meet, as well as increased tension levels. If this is the case, analysts predict members of OPEC and possibly NATO may force the United States into a long-term commitment with Iraq.

At the end of the news conference, President Bush alluded to his desire for the future after the U.S. has completely pulled out of Iraq: "I hope Iraq will want to participate in regularly scheduled joint-military exercises with the U.S., as well as smaller, less choreographed exercises conducted on the spur of the moment if the U.S. and Iraq both don't have any other countries they are currently exercising with. Currently, the U.S. holds several of joint-exercise with other countries and they are always beneficial for both sides. Iraq could learn a great deal militarily, such as different positions and maneuvers from these joint-exercises, and hopefully one day, Iraq will learn to more receptive to invasions."

Make orioncrew's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 4 multiplied by 5?

5 23 20 9
44 readers are online right now!

Go to top