Anchorage, Alaska - Unlike President Jimmy Carter, whose popularity shot through the roof in the polls among liberals when he confessed to reading Playboy magazine as one of his vices, Sarah Plain was fearful of losing her conservative base if she admitted to reading Playgirl magazine for all her information on foreign policy and international affairs. So, she bit the bullet, when she was asked in a resent TV interview what kinds of magazines she reads, choosing to remain silent looking the fool, rather than speaking and removing all doubt.
"That's why she choked on Katie Couric's question on what types of magazines she reads," said a Palin campaign aide. "Sarah Palin knew her conservative supporters would be watching the Couric interview from the comfort of their homes and in the presence of their children. Palin didn't want to offend any of them by letting them know that she found a 'loophole' to the abstinence only policy she publicly supports."
Playgirl subscription records confirm that Palin has been an avid reader of the adult magazine since her dorm days in college.
"The nights are so very, very cold in Alaska and they last a lot longer up here too, don't you know," said Palin. "So when Todd and the kids are in the backyard taking practice pop shots at a passing Caribou herd, I make sure I get some me time by drawing a warm bath, lighting some scented candles. And while lying there on my bed, all by my lonesome, I reach way down underneath and pull out a Playgirl magazine I stashed in-between a couple of lose floorboards for just the occasion and catch-up on international affairs -- Though, I'm careful to never look at the pictures of those sinful naked men, except to rip them out and throw them away, so kids to find them and get any ideas."
Palin confesses that she has always felt guilty for having to quench her thirst for international affairs, cutting her teeth on foreign policy by reading Playgirl magazine because it always made her feel as if she was cheating on her husband, who she has always counted on in the past to keep her abreast on global events.
"Yeah, but then we'd have really hot make-up sex right after," said Palin. "I'm telling you, you haven't lived until you find yourself suddenly being woken up at midnight on a snowy patch of ground on the nearby highway butt naked, except for a pair of Caribou antlers strapped to your head, caught up in the headlights of a rapidly approaching all terrain four wheel drive vehicle. Like a stun deer, unable to move not only because I'm hypnotized by the blaring lights but also because my arms and legs tied-up with telephone cord. Not remembering how I got there, just trying not to become road kill, apart of some stranger's mystery dinner delight, I finally struggle free and throw myself into a ditch, just a second before being run over. Wow! Talk about living wild and free. What a rush."
Palin, however, refuses to apologize for offending her conservative base for resorting to unconventional risky techniques to keep her marriage interesting after having five children.
"I know it's dangerous dressing up like a Caribou, especially when they're in season," said Palin. "But Todd always uses protection, wearing his bright orange hunting vest."