BEDFORD-STUYVESANT, New York - One of Sarah Palin's high school friends, Wynonna Loretta Pittenhouse, has told 'The View's' Barbara Walters that Palin called her up last week and confided something extremely personal and private to her.
Pittenhouse said that she cannot keep this secret since it deals with a very serious issue. She said that Palin told her that one of the things that is at the top of her 'Things That I Definitely Want To Do During My First Four Weeks As Vice-President' list is that she wants to invade Russia.
Pittenhouse told Walters that Palin said to her, "You know Nonnie, I have had this desire to attack, conquer, and occupy Russia ever since I was the basketball star at Wasilla High School." She went on, "I vividly remember playing in that pre-season exhibition game against the Siberia (High) Frozen Exhilers. And I can still hear in my head their coach a Mr. Vladimir Yuri something or other yelling out at me just as I was about to shoot the game-winning free throw that my mama's butt was bigger than a Russian whaling boat."
Palin paused and said, "And I will never ever forget that friggin' coach making that friggin' remark." Palin smiled and replied, "So I can hardly wait for that day, in the not-too-distant future when I can get up on my trained pet adult moose, Dimples and lead my All-American troops into Russia...so that I can kick their parka-wearing, Russian roulette wheeling, salad dressing butts big time!"
In other developing news...Whoopi Goldberg told George Stephanopoulos that she is sick and tired of being subjected to incessant ridiculing because of her unusually weird name. She added that she is in the process of having it legally changed to Whoopi Goldwater.
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